At a lack of ideas...

Yes, Even though I have posted exactly once (now twice) in the past 3 months, I am at a complete loss for ideas. So I'm taking Rell's idea for my 25 best songs of 2005, so in descending order:

25) Better Together- Jack Johnson
24) We Major- Kanye West
23) Incomplete- Backstreet Boys (yes, I'm serious)
22) Run It- Chris Brown
21) Soul Survivor Young Jeezy & Akon
20) One Wish- Ray J
19) Back Then- Mike Jones
18) Welcome to Jamrock- Damian Marley
17) Go!- Common
16) Celebration- Kanye West
15) Decatur- Sufjan Stevens
14) La Tortura- Shakira
13) Lose Control- Missy Elliott
12) Faithful- Common
11) 300 Bars & Runnin- Game
10) Dear Summer- Memphis Bleek (really Jay-Z)
9) Touch The Sky- Kanye West
8) Stay Fly- Three Six Mafia
7) Must Be Nice- Lyfe Jennings
6) Boulevard of Broken Dreams- Green Day
5) You and Me- Lifehouse
4) Yo- Chris Brown
3) Gone- Kanye West
2) Fix You- Coldplay
1) Testify-Common

fire away fools.

I have arrived

It's not just that I'm posting for the first time in 2 and a half months. It's not that I'm pretty much halfway done with my last year at Undergrad (and halfway done with post HS education in general). I've finally realized it. Maturity. People say it grows. I say that's bullshit. I realized, at one exact moment, while driving home from playing basketball on Wednesday, December 7th (a day that will live in infamy BTW), that I have not been a good person. I want to be a good person. I need it. Not just for my body, and sure as hell not for any reputation or anything. I need it for my soul.

Now people may be asking themselves what this means... Does this mean I will stop drinking? Not in the least. Does this mean i will drink less? Absolutely. Does this mean I will completely and totally stop being a jerk? eh, probably not. Does it mean that I will wholeheartedly try to lessen and eliminate those jerk moments? Without a doubt. I'm not exactly sure what this means, but I really feel some sort of inner clarity that I haven't felt in a while. It's refreshing. It's something I haven't felt in a LONG time. Time to face temptation and shut it down.

It's time for maturity. Seriously.


Exams + Law School apps=sucks. That's all you need to know about my current situation.

Update

So yeah, I finally decided to do a new one of these entries. Why? Because I rule.

I'm back at school and have been for a little over a month. I guess it's been a while since I last posted...The new place and all is pretty nice, except our walls remain bare, which is something that we'll eventually have to deal with. For now, however, things are stable. I have no classes on Monday, Wednesday or Friday. This is an AWESOME thing. Yeah, T and R suck, but 2 days a week is tolerable enough.

Hollaback Girl remains the worst song I've ever heard.

I come back and play poker for money when I'm drunk. So far, I've had a better success rate cashing when I'm drunk, still only up about 150 bucks tho...

I have trouble illegally downloading music here.

Townhouse isn't as ghetto as people make it out to be...except there is a leak over my shower, so when the upstairs neighbors use their shower, it drips down into mine and that sucks. We live right next to the landlord. Everyone says it sucks, but I've been unaffected by it.

I try to work out at least 3-4 times a week to keep myself in shape. So far it's working.

Our beer pong table is the hottness. so is our foosball table. Pretty much nobody else has a foosball table at their apartment. We have a grill. We have everything. But Posters. And a TV stand.

I think I pulled my groin. It's been sore for 3 weeks. Whenever I play basketball or flag football, it flares up.

Hurricanes=the suck. Gas prices=the suck. Bush=the suck.

I've decided I will eventually audition for the Real World.

The LSAT will be hard, but I kick standardized testing ass pretty much 99.9 percent of the time. So I'll do it again in a week.

So that's it. A decent update. That's my life. I rule at it.

Basketball Jones

Since I was a little kid I've always loved playing basketball. My dad played football (TE) in high school, but my uncle played basketball, and taught me that predominantly because he didn't particularly cotton to the idea of my playing football for some reason. We would always go to the outdoor courts and play 1 on 1 when I was about 7 years old, and then we'd play horse, and he'd thoroughly dominate me on both counts. I grew up with basketball, always loved watching it, playing it, basically anything that had to do with it. Growing up during the Jordan years afforded me some of the best basketball I could watch, granted his winning and retiring and gambling got repetitive, but when he played...wow.

So all this basketball talk brings me to where I am now. I play about 5 times a week at the Y, always after I lift, because I need to get cardio, and I really enjoy playing. It's probably the healthiest thing I do, considering I do nothing else other than lift, watch TV and drink, sadly enough. It's also good to meet all the different sorts of people that play there. There's a good core of about 30 people that come on a regular basis, and they're some of the funniest and intense people you'll meet. The average age is probably around 26 or so, with a good amount of middle teenage kids and a good amount of guys in their upper 30's. There are some assholes that will talk a lot of shit out there, just like every court, but for the most part it's a good group of guys. After games people just sit around and talk about whatever, ball, life, whatever's going on in the world. It's probably been the most constantly entertaining thing in my life, and thinking about it makes me want to go play. So I'm gonna do that.

The Charlotte Knights game

Last night, I decided I wanted to go to the Knights game really badly. I'm not exactly sure why this wave of baseball fandom came over me, but I'm glad it did. It was one of those Real American type things that you can't really appreciate until you go back. Of course, finally being of legal drinking age was pretty cool too. Taylor came along with me, and he drove, so i was able to enjoy some moderately priced beer (4.75 for 24 oz. cup, so a little under 2.50 a beer, I had 3), a game cooked bratwurst, and got to watch a pretty exciting baseball game for a cheap price ($6 for a ticket).

Minor league baseball is just one of those things that you never really appreciate in your hometown. I know there are the Bulls in Durham, and we have the Knights, and the best part of the game is probably the atmosphere created by the people that go. Such a random smattering of people you never even think about. It's general admission, so you sit wherever you want, and we got pretty good seats in the upper deck. We sat behind this grandfather and his maybe 4 year old son, and the grandfather spent most of the game telling his son what was going on, which was really cool to me, just to be able to see that type of relationship at an old fashioned baseball game. The grandfather was also very distraught with the National Anthem and the way the girl sang it, completely adlibbing many parts. He turned around and told us what a joke it was.

A drunk guy with his kid was in the section over from us, and about the 6th inning, he'd had one rum and coke too many (they have a little restaurant overlooking the field which also has a bar), and started shouting at every opposing pitcher/hitter and telling him how much they sucked. His 8 year old son started joining in, and the grandfather in front of me expressed his displeasure at that. I figured the guy was just making an ass of himself. I'm curious on whether he made it home safely. Behind us was this black guy with his wife and son, maybe 5 years old, and every time the Knights did something good, he would yell "Skeet Skeet Ka BOOM", and his son would echo right behind him...it's a good thing the majority of fans had no idea what the really means.

The game itself was pretty good too. There was some nice hitting, and a few shots out of the park on both sides. A 4 run rally in the 8th gave the Knights the win 7-5 over the Pawtucket Red Sox, which apparently gave the Knights a sweep and their 2nd 3 game winning streak of the year. It was a really good time for pretty cheap, and I think it's something I'd like to do again before I come back to school. Definitely a nice change of pace.

This is why I suck

Let's set up the scenario here:

Location: Weight Room at the Y
Time: Sunday, around 2:00 PM
Workout: Shoulders
Exercise: Upright row

So I'm chillin there, doing some upright row, when I notice this girl out of the corner of my eye. Completely my type physically, blonde hair, blue eyes, beautiful facial features, nice looking body, from what I could ascertain. I just notice this, and go back to my exercise. I finish, and I start over to the short bench to do seated overhead press, and I catch her looking a bit. Nothing really, and who knows what it could mean. So I'm resting in between my 2nd and third set of that, and we kinda make eye contact. I noticed before she had blue eyes. I notice now that they're really nice looking. So I continue my workout, finish up with that, go to do some lat raises on the machine, and then go to do front shoulder raises. I pass by her, and I look passively and notice she's glancing as well. So I do a couple sets, and strategically go to get water on the other side of the gym, so as to pass her. I look at her, she smiles at me, and I throw a bit of a grin her way. I'm smooth like that.

Later on, I'm about to walk out, and I notice her on the cardio machine, looking all exercisey. So I shoot her a look, get a smile in return, and walk out.

Fast forward to Monday. I see her in the gym again. It's back day, so I hit a few exercises up, and notice during my 2nd set of one-armed row that girl is there again. Another glance from me, and a kind of smile from her. At this point, I can tell there's interest there, but we must remember that I'm a bit intimidated by girls I don't know (coming back to the title of the thread "This is why I suck"). I don't go up and talk to her, and after one more such exchange, another guy is talking to her, and that's that for me.

Fast forward to today. Chest Day. She is there again. I am there again. There is one instance of eye contact. No smile. Sadness for me.

So now I'm all pissed about not talking to this girl. It would have been easy. Walk up to her and say hi...but no...I suck, and therefore a girl that may be interested in me thinks I probably have no interest back. Wasn't the case, but now seems so.

Why do I not approach a gorgeous girl that seems interested in me? I dunno, is it because I'm just not into that whole picking up girls at the gym thing? Is it because I don't want to interrupt my workout? Hell no. It's cause I keep thinking "the right time will be later." Guess not...so now, I didn't get to talk to cute blonde girl. And that's why I suck.

At least I got full workouts in :) Holla.

And I thought it couldn't be done again.

Yesterday (Saturday, June 4th) will be a day that I'll remember for the rest of my life.

Now those of you who regularly read my sparsely updated blog (assuming anyone does), or check my away messages from time to time know that I'm in full swing of Operation Ben Wallace. Basically, the goal of operation Ben Wallace is to improve my body both inside and outside through working out 6 times a week, which includes some combination of lifting weights, playing basketball, and riding on the stationary bike here at the house (typically around 7 miles or so). I've realized that I want to just get a little more muscular and have a little less fat on my body, and want to do it without any unnatural pills or anything like that. So since I've gotten home, I've played basketball, lifted, or biked for 21 days out of the 25 that I've been back. I'm already noticing results and feeling better and I have a lot more stamina. This is definitely a good thing. However, I like more tangible results as well. Yesterday was the most tangible result I'd seen not only over the summer, but possibly over the past 3 years.

Yes, on June 4th, in the middle of a pick-up basketball game, I dunked the basketball. Not just a normal dunk either, an alley-oop, an unintentional finish. We were on a 2 on 1 fast break, and my teammate threw the ball up in front of the basket. I jumped to catch it, and simply realized both my hands were at basket level. I caught the ball and threw it down, hung on the rim for a split second (pulling myself up a bit) and then dropped down. Everyone in the court was silent, except for a solitary "holy shit" from Chris, a 17 year old kid that's a baller on this AAU team here in Charlotte, shoots the lights out. Then everyone on the court just came up to me, the game stopped for a littl while. I felt weird, but very accomplished. I hadn't legitimately dunked a ball in 3 years. A smile cracked on my face, and I ran down to play defense. Our team ended up winning by a comfortable margin.

This event meant more than a lot of what I'd done in a long time physically. It showed me that I have a lot of athletic ability in me, and a lot of potential in me that I haven't tapped before. well I'm gonna tap that potential. I'm gonna be the best at what i do because I won't settle for less. I'm already motivated, this just gave me a lot more motivation. All because of one throwdown in an inconsequential basketball game.

Don't get me wrong, this won't involve any significant lifestyle change, like less drinking, well maybe a little less eating unhealthy, but it will involve me getting the best out of myself. And that's the thing I really needed. All because of one throwdown in a pickup basketball game...

The Summer Formula

12(5(I+Y)+Healthy Food+New Job Yet to be determined)+2 Visits to Chapel Hill+A hopeful visit from some people staying in CH down here=My summer.

Yes, I know exactly what my summer will be for the next 3 months, assuming I get a night job (which I'm currently searching out), it won't be so bad. It's boring, i won't lie about that, but the ability to go out is good, as will be the 2 trips up to Chapel Hill.

My blog entries have been few and far between and for that I apologize. Basically, my days have been going like this:

8:09: Wake up and prepare for the day by lagging in bed until 8:25 and messing on the comp.
8:25: Shower and shave and get ready for the internship
8:50: Drink a glass of water and fill up the nalgene with water before the internship.
9:03: Leave house after catching top story on Sportscenter
9:31: Arrive at law firm a minute late and get to doing a spot of work.
1:00: Finish work and lag around for 30 more minutes to maintain the 4 hours a day
1:35: Intend to go job searching, but decide I don't want to that day
2:03: Arrive at home with late small snack.
3:50: Leave to go to the Y to lift and ball (Operation Ben Wallace, 5 times a week)
4:15: Arrive at Y and go do specified area for the day.
5:25: Head to gym and play 4-7 games of pickup
7:25: Leave and head home for dinner.
7:50: Eat dinner
8:15: Watch HBO and mess around online, also watch NBA playoffs.
11:00 Go downstairs to watch late nite movie on HBO.
12:24: Start the sleep playlist and get ready to repeat the above.

It may not be exciting, but my week consists of the above. Maybe things will change with a new job (although less working out will suck). However, I'll find time.

Sorry for this bland ass entry, but I had to do it. I'll post more later. Holla

"The Voice"

For a large part of junior year, my communication with Jimmy (my former roommate for those completely unknowledgeable about my life) has thrived upon one solitary thing. That thing has been entitled merely "the voice". If someone had a hidden microphone in the room for the whole year (minus the month or so when Jimmy was dating Liz, and therefore only talked with her on IM and listened to his headphones), they'd predominantly hear the voice. The evolution of the voice has been a long detailed progression from merely catch phrases, to mocking conversations, to hand gestures and real, full conversations, almost to its own dialect of a language. If you're familiar with the use of the voice, then I'm pretty sure you also have an idea who the inspiration was as well...

It started off innocently enough, with a simple gesture...GONE! All you did was when something bad happened, a player got hurt, someone fell down, or anything else genuinely tragic happened, we made a sweping motion with our fingers and said "GONE!" in a gruff, staccato manner. It expanded to different sayings such as "Oh HELL no!" "You little bitch", and the classic "asshole". Now this is no normal "asshole". This is "asshole said in a low passing manner, made to sound as if the used just called people assholes routinely...which in fact...

This also brought about hand gestures. Certain commercials would get the finger wave treatment, that is, swinging of one's hand from left to right on the beat, followed by the "GONE!" upswoop at a moment's notice. It typically came at the climax of a song, and the intensity of the finger swing would rise more and more until said climax. Conversations about any topic would routinely come up in the voice, until it started to manifest itself as the main dialect of the english language in 104 Lewis. Others caught on and began using it as well, mainly Mike, Joe, and sometimes even the great John Woodcock.

As the year drew to a close, the voice became more and more prevalant in the room. You couldn't get around using it. Instead of going to bed, we "took it to the bed." Upon retuning from the bathroom, class, or any other semi-extended absence, the returner would say "I've MADE it back!" and the person already in the room would say "You did, IN-deed". We'd also speak favorably upon being an "ass-kicker", and kickin ass would routinely be the order of the day. Things somehow eventually made their way into a domestic violence theme, and there they stand today. A typical sentence in the voice would be "I'd kick his ass, and then I'd come home and throw some more punches to the face." Obviously we were joking, and obviously it's pretty shitty to joke about domestic violence, however, we were so outrageous about it that it really was funny...and come on, we're two normal college guys, not two trailer trash wifebeaters.

And here we stand today. I thought about this topic only because I was watching the Sonics-Spurs game, and saw Danny Fortson commit a flagrant foul, and exclaimed, out loud, by myself "HELL YES! ASS KICKIN!" This is when I realized that "The Voice" is something that will always remain with me, as a part of my college experience, and I really don't think there's something that can characterize my junior year relationship with my roommate any more than our constant use of the voice. It was definitely a good year, and a great time of ass-kickin.

P.S.: J.P. "butt-fucking" Losman was probably another of the most used comments of the year, for obvious reasons.

So I'm home.

Yesterday was a pretty bittersweet day. Or maybe I should actually say a sweetbitter day, as the sweet likely outweighs the bitter. I moved out of Lewis dorm. I moved out of housing affiliated with the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill...forever. I moved out of leaky, jungle rot ridden showers, toilets that remain clogged for the entire weekend, and I moved out of the irritation of having to typically take my keys to enter the bathroom with said clogged toilets. Sure I'll miss it when I look back upon it, but for now, having my own bathroom and not having certain people with the gravitational pull of a small elephant plop down on my futon at full speed (and subsequently breaking the metal support) will do just fine.

However, on the ride home, after packing all my memories of my junior year, and in fact the rest of my dorm life in the rented Navigator (defintely tight to drive that around for a bit around the QC), I got to thinking how life in the dorms has changed me as a person. It's taught me how to deal with different situations, and was a great transition from living at home full time to becoming somewhat self regulated (emphasis on somewhat). Freshman year taught me to somewhat manage my time,but mostly, taught me how to NOT succeed. Late night food, to much hall partying and drinking, and lack of emphasis on school left me 25 pounds heavier and my GPA struggling. Sophomore year taught me moderation, and I met a lot of really good friends. Wile-Out All Stars started this year, and we're still running strong, Monty's, TO THE BARS!, the Wile-Out summer beach , and countless other outings. Losing that freshman 25 was good too. Living with LaShaun was definitely my most rewarding experience during college. He's such a good person, strong in his faith and determined in his goals. Junior year taught me how to truly manage studying and going out, while completing all my other responsibilities. It also taught my liver how to process LOTS of beer. Oh yeah, winning the NATIONAL TITLE. Spring Break in the Bahamas, getting even tighter with Wile-Out, and finding that all things and people are not as they seem. Lessons learned every year.

Now I'm back for another summer in Charlotte. A summer NOT involving the YMCA. Thankfully. I'll be working an unpaid internship in a law firm, and getting another job, hopefully as a server somewhere where I can get good hours and make some good money. I turn 21 in 8 days, which is awesome. I'll be here, but there's room for about 4 or 5 people in the house, so if anyone wants to make the trip down to celebrate with me next weekend...

I'll miss the times I had in Ehringhaus, HoJo North, and Lewis Dorms. I won't miss a lot of aspects of dorm life, but I'll never forget what it gave me. A diverse appreciation for everyone, a meaningful form of respect for those with whom I live and interact every day, and shaping my character for my first three years at UNC. next year at Town House will be nice, convinient, and I'll have my own damn bathroom, however, I wouldn't trade my three years in the dorm for anything.